For the first year of motherhood, I worked part-time. My life was very much immersed in being mom, wife and employee, and I found a great deal of personal satisfaction and even community from my days spent in the office.
Then I left the workforce to stay home full-time, and my
life became very isolated.
I had imagined all the fun things my daughter and I would do
once I was home full-time, but the reality of her age and our newly-shrunk
budget left me home and bored all too often.
Thanks to Netflix and naptime, I caught up on all my
favorite television shows and quickly began looking for more. I cried through
Army Wives, and found myself becoming jealous of the women depicted with close
friends who lived right next door. All of my friends worked or lived 30+
minutes away, making daily or even weekly gatherings a challenge.
That’s when Liz moved in two doors down. With fiery red hair
and an outgoing personality, not to mention the fact that she didn’t know
another living soul in Denver, we became fast friends.
Our daughters are 10 months apart in age and, while we found
activities that they might like, we really enjoyed finding excursions that gave
us opportunity to grow our friendship.
We spent time at the indoor mall play area during the cold winter months,
would go for early morning stroller walks as the weather warmed, not to mention
just popping over for a quick chat or to borrow a serving of applesauce.
Just shy of a year after moving in, Liz and her family
packed up and moved away. Okay, only 20 miles away and we still see each other
at least weekly.
But what I learned from the first friend I made as a mom
with a mom, was huge.
I learned to step out of my comfort zone. I may have been lonely as a stay-at-home mom but it
wasn’t enough to compel me to try new things until Liz came along and invited
me to go and do. And even then, sometimes I just wanted to stay home in my PJs;
and sometimes that’s just what I did. But when I let go of my reservations, I
found that spending time with a friend was refreshing to my soul (not to
mention how much better my attitude became).
I learned that to best help my daughter become a good
friend, I needed to model healthy friendships to her. My daughter may have only been a year old when Liz
and I first met, but the habits I am forming now, including and especially in
regards to friendship, will speak to my future relationships and in turn, to
hers.
I learned to offer grace to other moms – and to myself. Mom friendships are beautiful and unique, a special
type of comradery. They also include distinct challenges: sick kids, meltdowns,
and blowouts affect schedules while time together is full of interruptions and
the distractions of a wayward toddler. That’s also why they work; moms get
other moms.
I learned that mom-friendships are worth getting out of
PJs for. Whether I have to walk next door
or drive 30 minutes away, friendships with other moms are worth pursuing and
being available for.
I’ve been blessed to have many friends over the course of my
life: childhood friends, college friends, work friends. Adding mom friends has
been a special blessing. By offering grace to each and grace to ourselves,
mom-friendships have helped me through life’s good things and hard things, and
have made me a better mom, better woman and a better friend.
So what about you – where do you find mom friends?
Mom to one, trying for
two, stuck with a couple crazy dogs and loved by a fabulous guy. I'm a
stay-at-home-but-rarely-home mom with a knack for saying "yes" too quickly,
especially when it comes to outside commitments and Diet Mountain Dew.
I blog
at rachel+reagan.
I made friends with some neighbor moms when my kids were young that sustain me to this day, some 20 years later. Fellow moms understand the struggles we all go through and we can provide support to each other as our kids grow and change.
ReplyDeleteOh, I love that. I can only imagine that as much as I need the support now, I will only need it more (and in vastly different ways) as our kids get older.
DeleteReally nice post Rachel. I love the points you made, especially about confronting the seduction of the PJs. Female friendships are invaluable in my view, and obviously, in yours. I also want to say, as a mom who has always worked outside the home, that I value friends who are following that path, but also ones who have not. Sometimes I think we shy away from one another, like we couldn't possibly have anything to talk about. But that's not true. We all have kids. Thanks so much!
ReplyDeleteOh ya, great point! Motherhood is such a huge connecting place -- it crosses so many barriers: working/not working, ethnicity, religion, age. The hard part is intentionality.
DeleteTotally worth getting out of the PJs. Some days I'm so tired and honestly, Netflix holds more appeal than the work of loving and being loved. But you're so right friend, this (not Greys Anaomy) is what we are made for. Love this.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lindsey! We ARE made for this!!
ReplyDelete