There's something bittersweet about the third trimester of pregnancy. While the kicks and jolts in my belly trigger joy at the thought of a miracle literally moving within me, the aches and pains that weigh down my physique make me long for the day she is on the outside. I don't want to fast-forward through the final weeks, but I'm not looking for the pause button either.
I guess this is a good balance, considering she will be my (as far as I can predict) last baby.
The realities of a new life coming have started to invade the home on a regular basis. The crib is built, the curtains are hung, and pink little onesies are filling the drawers in the nursery. Ten (or so) more weeks of growing, about a thousand loads of Dreft laundry, and we'll be all set for the coos and cries of a newborn to echo through the house. (Well, there's a few more details than that, but you catch my drift!)
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| Growing...growing...not quite gone yet! |
It's hard to imagine that my home is more quiet now than it will be in a few months. It's exciting and terrifying, as I often have to plug my ears to keep from going insane from the squeals and screams of my 5-year-old and 3-year-old daughters. No doubt this little one will have severe competition for attention the moment she enters the world. Quiet is a rare virtue in our home (and often a prelude to either a giant mess being made/discovered or the calm before a storm of tears for whatever reason).
At the same time, I'm finishing up my Master's degree in Marriage & Family Therapy, with only 8 more weeks of school and internship to wrap up the two years of insanity I've put myself and my family through. It is indeed, the home stretch on a huge chapter in our lives. Life will look very different come mid-August, and it's difficult for me to wrap my brain around what's pending.
As crazy as it's been for the last two years, there is comfort in the known craziness. As many sleepless nights, busy schedules, and constant to-dos as there have been, I'll admit there are parts of me worried and sad about saying good-bye to this temporary and tender season of our lives. (Don't get me wrong, I'm ready to say "Sayonara" to homework forever!)
A new normal, a new chaos, a new crazy is just around the corner. It's this unknown wilderness that awaits that easily stirs anxiety in my soul. As I feel my baby hiccup in my belly as I type this, I'm reminded that no matter what, God's got us. All of us. (Yes, you too!) He's never surprised at what's around the bend or who's in need of what or how long something seems to take. He's never thrown off schedule, overwhelmed by tasks, or anxious about how it will all turn out. He's got these next 10-ish weeks just like He's had the last zillion years and the zillion more yet to come.
Between two kids, deadlines, and baby kicks, I don't want to give you the illusion that I rest well at night just because I have a deep trust in God's provision and plan for us. Life is HARD and loud and messy. I laugh at the chaos as much as I worry and I weep with the best of you.
But, peace can be found among the sleepless. Hope can be found among the restless. Joy can be found among the fearful. How? Because it's the struggle and privilege of my heart, as weary and worn as it may be, to remain fixated on His steady faithfulness to me, and to keep finding humor and gratitude in the world around me.
Whew. Guys. This summer is gonna be FULL of crazy. No doubt there are reasons to complain and throw in the towel each and every day. But, in these final weeks of transition from a family of four to a family of five...of a family surviving grad school to a family sending one off to Kindergarten...I hope you'll see a family honestly determined to find moments of sweetness and blessing within the mess of it all.
What transitions are you or your family going through this summer? What helps keep you focused on the joys of life and the goodness of God?
