Decaf Soy Latte with an Extra Shot of Crazy, Please

Today was my first day back in the office. I'm blessed to be able to have a new baby-mam-friendly schedule, so I'm only in the office three days a week. Still, I was not looking forward to leaving my new baby. Josh's sister, Katie, and her 20-month-old, Sofia, come to our place to care for Matilda - so, the situation is super ideal, and I'm so thankful for it - but, let's face it, it's hard not to feel guilty when you look into those big baby eyes and bid farewell.

The morning went smoothly and Josh and I picked up donuts for the staff on our way to work. It was a little surreal. I'd been gone for 3 months, yet if it weren't for the fine layer of dust coating my desk I could've believed I had never really left.

I propped up the nearly life-size Matilda photo on my desk and started up the ole computer - "Howdy Dwight, (my computer is named Dwight, a-la-The-Office) it's been a while."

Getting coffee with Josh later that morning, a co-worker of ours overheard me ordering decaf. He elbowed Josh, "Does that decaf mean anything?"

Pause.

What? This is my first day back from a three month maternity leave! Is this fellow seriously implying I might possibly be pregnant again? I was struck with a few options:

1. Tell him I was on the Biggest Loser.

Maybe he never knew I was pregnant. This would be virtually impossible since everyone on campus saw me expand into the goodyear blimp before their eyes - but, hey, maybe he just thought I was at fat camp for the last few months and his elbowing Josh is more of a congratulatory gesture for finally getting his wife to stop letting herself go. Hm, unlikely.

2. Spit-take.

Who out there hasn't wanted to spit liquid through their face out of exacerbation to a shocking response? Seriously, this would be such a great time to spew that decaf and laugh uproariously at the notion I could so-soon be knocked up again.

3. Tell him exactly what it means.

Um, it means that you should probably stick to your regular coffee because you need to wake up and realize I just had a baby three months ago! Um, it means that you have an extra shot of crazy in your latte if you think we're gearing up for another year of human-growing already! Um, it means that you should probably help my husband up off the floor since you took him so off guard that the thought of my being pregnant is about to give him a heart attack.

"It means I'm breastfeeding and I like sleep."

"Oh."

(In the real world, if you ever want to put the kibosh on any topic - just some how bring up breastfeeding and it will be so awkward that people will instantly forget how the topic came up and therefore the direction of the conversation will be forever-changed. Yet another lifelong benefit of breastfeeding - but that's for another blog, another day.)

That decaf helped trick my brain into no-you-haven't-been-up-since-5am mode and get me through the rest of the day. Katie was alive and standing with both children injury-free by the time I got home (three cheers for Katie!)

Now, if I can just do this all again tomorrow.